On
Giving Bountiful Women as a Gift
To
whom?
•
to yourself, of course!
•
to someone you want to understand more of your
experience.
•
to someone who would appreciate it.
•
to like-minded people.
•
to someone who might benefit from the ideas within it . .
.
•
to any one who has hesitated to live her fullest life
because she is "weighting".
Top Ten
Reasons Why
Everyone
Needs to Read Bountiful Women.
10.
You might start eating peeps!
9.
You might cry with compassion or laugh
outloud.
8.
You might strut when you walk.
7.
You might have fun.
6.
You might do what you have always done,
and
feel even better about doing it!
5.
You might go on vacations, or more vacations.
4.
You might be inspired to try something you never
considered, learn or relearn something.
3.
You might look for love and recognize it when it is near
you.
2.
You might wear bathing suits and go swimming.
1.
And the top reason to read Bountiful Women: You might
have more of the life you want!
To
many people, Bountiful Women is a gift, hearing the
chorus of voices that allow each reader to see herself or
find an idea for herself to live the fullest, richest
life. In deciding to give someone any gift, we must
consider our motivations. If your goal is to fix or
educate, demonstrate how smart, wise and good you are,
the recipient of your gift may feel those things. If you
give your friend tickets to a concert with music you
would completely enjoy but has nothing to do with her
preferences, the gift may not be received well because it
suggests that you do not know her. What is in your heart
and mind as you select and give a gift? That matters.
I
thought about, and asked my friends and colleagues, for
their thoughts on giving this book. The astonishing
responses ranged from "everyone should read this book
because it has the universal message of self-acceptance
and self-appreciation" to, "if I want to read this book,
I shall choose it for myself--if anyone gave it to me, I
would feel badly." Some women will choose the book for
herself, or happily give a copy to her mother, her
sister, her friend. Some men will choose the book for
women they love. Yet, other people may want to give this
book to someone and are concerned the recipient may be
uncomfortable about the topic.
Here
are words and ideas, from women and men, on how to give
this book to someone who may or may not see themselves as
bountiful but whose life may be enriched by reading
it.
On
the attitude of the giver
"If a
relationship did not already exist based on trust, love,
support and honesty, then I don't think it would work
very well. The gift of this book might be an opportunity
to open a respectful dialogue, if one does not already
exist. If you happen to love/care for a woman who is
large, and you don't discuss the issue of weight, then an
important part of that woman's experience is probably
being left out." A.P., M.S., therapist
"When
an emotional connection, or energetic linkage, is present
between the two people, the book will come as a gift and
a support rather than as a reproach. So if someone wants
to give this book to a friend, she should concentrate on
maintaining connection to her friend rather than on how
the friend might react." S.S., Ph.D., author
"How
connected I am to the person I'm giving the book to, how
free of judgment, how full of caring is going to affect
their response to my offering the book. A key piece is to
suggest that the giver read the book before giving it.
True friends, people with intimacy/connection, won't have
a hard time with this at all--they'll be excited to share
it. It's the critics/judges/psychological knowers who
will have trouble." M.D., educator
"A
person who has not been supportive of a large woman
should only offer this book after reading it first and
shifting his/her own thinking about the issue. I would
have the prospective giver look deeply and honestly
inside. The surface motivation, of course, will be to
help. But what's underneath that? Is it a loving heart or
a critical judge? Is it a person who sees the large
friend as a fabulous person, fine the way she is, or as
someone who needs to be "fixed"?" G.L., Ph.D.,
psychologist
I
relate to people as if their being large is no more a
secret to them than it is to me. What makes people most
comfortable and gives the most support is talking about
reality like it's real. I would say, "I heard about this
book and I thought you might enjoy it. It's about
embracing who you are, as you are and it has a lot of
valuable tips. You know I really love you and more than
anything I want you to be happy. I'll be interested to
hear what you think." Z.L., M.D., physician
"When I
hear you talk about a failed diet . . .,
"When I
hear you put yourself down for being overweight . .
.,
"I feel
sad. I want you to feel good about who you are, no matter
what your size may be. Here is a book that may help."
L.T., M.S.W., social worker
"I
think this is a must read for the sisterhood. Just
understanding what other women go through has made me
more compassionate, sympathetic, and less judgmental. I
hope it will be as meaningful for you. After you read it,
let's chat--I'd like to hear your thoughts."
T.
Secrets
for giving this book . . . you might say:
"Here
is a new book, Bountiful Women. I hope you feel
excited/touched/ (fill in the blank) when you read it, as
I did. Let's talk about it when you are
finished."
"I love
you and so appreciate the wonderful times we have
together, I wanted to give you this book to let you know
how much you matter to me."
"I
looked at this book and it celebrates living a full life.
I want that for you and I want that for me. Let's read it
together."
I found
Bountiful Women touching. I learned that when I said,
"you had such a pretty face if only . . . " that might
not have felt so good to you. I am sorry. I have learned
from this book. I wanted you to have it to celebrate your
life.
Inspirational
approaches:
"Bountiful
Women has so much to offer in terms of how our society
approaches anyone other than model-type-women that I am
inspired by it and am passing it on in the spirit of
spreading this inspiration. The book is about self
acceptance--self acceptance is a form of promoting
physical, emotional, mental health, as well as peace on
earth." D.R., M.S.W., social worker
"I
celebrate and love all of you and love you dearly for who
and how you are right now. I offer this book to reinforce
that celebration and help you increase your personal joy
and health." M.B.
"This
book is a gift of empowerment for the souls of large
women in acknowledgement of their worth beyond the shape
of their bodies--a gift of love." J.W., M.F.T.,
therapist
"Bountiful
Women offers strong ideas as a helpful way to live and
thrive on the planet. I found it good for me." W. S.,
Ph.D., psychologist
"You
are wonderful and here is a book to support that." B.T.,
Ph.D., psychologist
Straightforward
approaches:
"I
don't know if this ever happens to you, but I've heard
that large people are often treated unfairly simply due
to their size. Here is a book that has tons of useful
ideas for handling those situations." J.R., M.F.T., child
therapist
"I saw
this book and realized how little awareness I have of
what it is like to be in someone else's body. I imagine
there are all kinds of challenges to being extra tall or
short or small or large that I don't directly experience.
Maybe you will like this book. Let me know what you
think." (The spirit is: I am open to conversation and
it's up to you.) S.L., organizational
consultant
"I just
heard of a book for women size 14 and over and how they
deal with doctors and other situations in this society
that is so oriented to being thin. Would that interest
you?" G.E., M.S.W., social worker
"I care
about you and believe that you struggle with this. I
thought the book might helpful." M.O., Ph.D.,
psychologist
Be
direct, kind, loving and thoughtful. If one gives such a
book while coming from a loving place, the recipient may
feel those feelings from you. P.K., Ph.D.,
psychologist
"I have
a present for you. I have found it very helpful in
thinking about me and making the world more mine, as it
should be. S.K., M.F.T.,
"Bountiful
Women makes so much sense that I bought you and several
other people copies. I want us both to read it and
discuss it ." S.K., community volunteer
On
"weighting" for a signal from the other
person:
"I
think it best to wait until someone talks about
"weighting" and then suggest the book to them. The other
person needs to open up the subject or else the offering
might sound critical." R.R., Ph.D.,
psychologist
"I
would simply mention it, offer to lend it to them if they
are interested, and let it go. My words are based on my
state of mind, and state of grace with myself and my
body. Good days and cranky ones. I want a sensitive,
respectful communication with anyone I am speaking to and
getting to know." L.M., music teacher
"Someone
could give the book by telling their overweight friend
that they had heard about this book and are thinking
about checking it out at the bookstore, maybe buying it
themselves, or they might tell the friend that they
bought it for themselves and really have gotten some good
ideas from it. They could offer to loan it to them.
Giving it is too obvious a directed message." N. W.,
teacher.
A
story to tell on being who you are:
There
is a beautiful scene in the movie "A Far Off Place" based
on the Laurens van der Post book of the same name. A
European boy and a young bushman are talking about love
and marriage. The European boy has just fallen in love
and wonders if he may be too young to know about finding
the right woman. The bushman explains, "This is a very
simple matter. You will know when you have found the
right person. When you find her, you get married. I did.
It has nothing to do with age." The Englishman then asks
the bushman what he thought when he first saw his wife
and knew that she was the right woman for him. "Did you
think she was beautiful?" he asks. The bushman just looks
at the Englishman in confusion. He doesn't know the
meaning of the word "beautiful". Bushman have no concept
of physical beauty! Since there is no word in their
language for it, people are never judged by their
physical appearance. They are, instead, judged by who
they are. S.S., Ph.D.
Bountiful
is a way of life!
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